The murder of a good person

Today a old friend of my named Krista Winger was Murdered. I am in total shock and disbelief. I don't whether to be sad or angery. Krista was my boss at ODS, but wasn't one of those uppy boss types. She was just part of the team. She would goof around with the employees and stuff. There was sevrl disabled employees who worked there who didn't drive, and she would give rides homes. She was just kind like that. I remember one year for halloween the ODS staffers went to a hunted woods thingy Krista. In the woods they had these bridge things, it wasn't well lit and I' m afriad heights. Krista helped across each one of those bridges. That what kind of person she was and now she's gone.


Last week I was on the bus with a Jevocial Witness, she told me that they believe that one day god will heal all the sick meaning disabled people. I hope he does heal all the sick one day,, but not the disabled. Disabled people are not sick they just differ from the norm. The sick ones are the ones that murder good people like Krista. They are the ones that will watch a two year old beat his head into a wooden cubby and do nothing about it. They are the ones look down on me because I talk and walk differently then them. While it is naturl to be angry and we can rejoice in fact Krista has live and we are alive and well

Life on Mars and Nappy (diaper) pride

Yetserday I had a really bad seizure, I was with my friend Bryan and it really freaked him out. After the seizure I was really out of it. I am so frusated with these things. They have never been offically labeled seizures. The doctors are unsure what is going on. I'm going in to the esoilipy clinc next week hopeful we can figure out something, anything.

This entire thing doesn't make sense to me. It seems to me this have been figured out four years ago when it started. The sympthoms are very pronouced should be a easy dianoses. But there is a lot of thing I don't get. Like why some people say I they want to help to help the disabled when it obvious they don't. And why helping often times trying to cure. I don't understand why one of my childhood friend contiues to live with her mother who abuses her. I don't understand why so many families are disfunctional. My family is no exception. I have had no communcation with my father since 2003. He could be dead for all I know. My family is disfuntional in other ways too. I won't go into it. But families didn't use to be this way. I just don't understand why they are now. When I have a family it going to be full of Love, respect, understanding and accepting. Like all famlies should be.

On a different note www.communitycare.co.uk/blogs/social-care-experts-blog/2008/08/wear-a-nappy-with-pride.html

Above is an artrcle by Simon Stevens a business from the UK with CP and who also gay. He writes about attending pride in London. He writed who disabed people should be proud of who they are. I have often had the same thought when I attend the local gay pride event supporting my mom who is a lesbian. I think it would be great if al the disabled people had a parade downtown once a year to show how proud we were. Maybe people wouldn't pity us so much then and try to cure us. Simon had this wonderful shirt print admiting he wore a diaper in, his terms a nappy, I to wear a diaper. In my opinion it a common sense thing to do for anyone with any degree of incontince, itmake life so much easier. Why adult wearing diaper are such taboo. It goes back to what we are told we are potty training only babies wear diapers which is complete BS. Simon also talk the work used to discribled ourself. I don't feel comfortable being called a spatsic. But the disabled person doesn't fit either. I've tried calling myself simly a Cerebral Palsy and I find it fit s quite well.

Life, It will kill you

Been a while since I wrote this this thing, my ADHD again I reckon, why I could never make a living as a writer can't focus on anything. Today two very well known people passed on. One was expected to do so she had been ill for a few years, one was not expected. He was only 50, not known to be ill, and now he's gone. I was never a big fan his, he had some good songs and I realize he had a big impact on pop culture. The shame of it is that some will remember thse taboid crap about hiim instead of his work and his humanitian contribrirtion.

His death his a reminder to us that our time on this planet is finite. It can end at anytime, for anytime reason. I've been thinking about that alot lately. Things have not been the best for me recently, to be quite frank they have sucked. I started having seizure again in March, it started off I was having them once in awhile, not ideal but manageable. It has progressed to the point I'm having seizures evryday now. Life is just to short to by dealing with these things. I need to get my seizures under control once and for all. July 24th i'm scheduled to go inpatient in OSU's esplipy clinc. I need to get these under control then get back to school, finish my masters and get my teaching lincense. I need to be working with kids with special needs that's what makes me happy and I feel I can make a difference with kids. I feel all people should try to use there life to make a difference for the good in some area. My area I've choosen is specails needs children. I need to stop thinking about and start doing it. The thing with Alex was a real wake up call for me I really wanted to help him but couldn't because I didn't have my lincense. Also because three people I thought were my friends who would listen to me and supportme didn't. But it happen and I can't change it. Now I know what I have to do. Just pray I have success in the clinc.

Family frustations

Everyone wants to please his/her family it just a natual thing. But often thing it is the hardest group o people to please. I'm finding that to be the case with my mom. She dead set against this Wright State thing. At this point in my life I don't care what people think the exception to that is my family especially my mom. My mom and I got really close got really close after my dad left and we been throught a lot of stuff together. Having a disagreement with her on something this big doesn't set well with me. But recently we haven't seen eye to eye alot of things. She doesn't like me being more vocal about my disability. She doesn't like that I started wearing diapers again. She dislikes my beard. She never been overly fond of me as a teacher.

It not like she has changed, she has aways was like this. I use to be like her, I use to believe the way disabled people to sucessful is to act non-disabled and it is, but it hollow success the kind of sucess that disappears in a heartbeat. If if you be yourself it may take you longer to achive sucess, but your sucess will last. I learned this throught this exprience though people I met. I know by speaking about my cp I can help others with it. I with I could make her see what I see. I now going to Wright State next fall is the best thing not only for me but the people I'm trying to help. I know I can't sit in Columbus I do nothing that's just not a option, especially after the thing with Alex. There are Kids out there that need help, I want help them and I feel like I can't help without my masters and my lincense. The main issue my mom is bring up is my health, yea I admit it is a issue but i has been better, with the exception of a bad spell at the end of April.

I guess all I can do is proceed as planned and hope mom comes around. I know in my heart this is the right thing. I just have put it in god's hands.

Idiot Wind

My relationship with Easter Seals which started in the 1980's when I was a student in there special needs preschool has come to a end. I wish I could say it was a mutal decison, but it wasn't, I was asked to leave. It had to do with my buddy Alex I have talked about in previous blogs. Alex demonstares some Austisic charistics that doesn't necessary nean he has Austism it just means you have to keep a eye on him. Well, last Wednesday I was volunteering in Alex's class, he was having a really bad day. He was really unfocused and acting out. At the end day Alex started to bang his head into a wooden cubbie. After the kids had left I talked to his teacher and expressed my concerned. She just blew me off, she told me Alex came to Easter Seals for a language delay and now that was fixed. now he was typical. That he was head banging for attention.
Now I've been working with kids for a while now and typical kids don't head bang for any reason. Especially when they never been expoused to that behavior and Alex hasn't. None of the other kids in his class head bang. believe me I know that class like the back of my hand. It not like I'm freaking like I've never seen this stuff abefore at the county I got a steady diet of self injury and when I was sick I cut the hell out of myself.

So I took my concerns to a survisor, she basiclly what the teacher said. I wasn't satisfide, but I was going to let it go. But the teacher found out I went to the supvisor and was outraged. To make a long story short she made a big stink and got me tossed out of Easter Seals. They say I over stepped my bounds as a volunteer. I'm not just a a volunteer, I have a degree in special ed and been around the disabled since i was born. Plus I interen there a couple year ago. The big loser in this fiasco is Alex even if there nothing wrong with him there is enough there to warrant more evelation, better error in the side of caution. But nothing will be done because the teacher is too stubborn to admit she might be wrong.


I am hurt and sadden by this exprience. I throught this teacher was my friend and Easter Seals saw me as a person not just a piece of meat. I was wrong on both accounts But I'll move on, I have there people out there that need my help. People like Alex, who unfortunly I will prolly never see again. I wish him all the best. And who knows our paths migth cross one day.

Strange days indeed

Had a interesting day today, it was Wednesday my day at Easter Seals. This boy Liam who never comes came. Liam has Autism, for those who don't know some people with Autism have trouble making eye contact with others especially with those whom they don't know, Liam is such a person. Liam doesn't know me well since I'm only there one day a week and he rarely comes anyway. What does he do he comes in to the room looks me right in the eye and give me a cute little smile, made my day. So thing go on and we did an activity for mother's day his teacher had planned, then we played. All of a sudden his mood change he was running around the room, grabbing me and ramming his head into me. His teacher said he's never acted like this ever. Liam and the rest of the class went to the gross motor room and I started to feel werid. I excused myself to go get a drink at a the water fondin. Liz went with me at the fondin I had a seizure. It was a minor one but it was a seizure. Easter Seals having no clue about seizures with there steady diet of students with speech and gross motor delays bless there hearts freaked and called the medics. The medics who respond to the call had ran on me before and knew the drill they stuck around long enough for me to sign the paper for them to leave. I believe the reason Liam was acting out was he sense my seizure coming on. We don't really understand people like Liam, I believe they have certain gifts, one of them might be the ability to percive things other don't. That two year old knew I was going to seize before I did, It' fancnating. I've been around special ed all my life never seen anything like it. I have more I want to write I start doing some work at UCP I want to tell you about that but it late and I have a early morning tomrrow, so another time.

Correction and a word on boldness

I have to comment on the story about Luke. I don't really don't know the full story with Luke, I just filled the parts I didn't know with BS to help drive my point home. That would have been fine except there a link to this blog off of my Facebook page and Luke's mom is one of my facebook friend and sure if she is a reader. So I thought I would come clean before I get busted. My relationship with Luke and his family means a lot to me, I don't want to hurt them in anyway. That shouldn't take away from my point that mental illness and self-injury are at endemce levels in the disability community and something needs to be done about it. I assure you that the rest of this thing is the honest truth, well at least how I see it

At chruch yesterday the surmon was about how god calls on us sometimes to be bold. I couldn't agree more, especially agree more especially in these hard times. Times like these call for bold ideas and actions. The same old, same old, is not going turn the econmy around. The Junor Senator from IL knew that when he decided to run for president. They called him a radcial and worse. They said he would never win. That the US was not ready for a president with his skin color. Now that senator is President Barack Obama and he's making the bold moves it takes to fix things. I think the time has come for me make a bold move. This fall I plan to move to Dayton, Ohio to earn my Masters of Education from Wright State University and become a lincensed to teach early childhood special education. This is something Ive thought about for two years, I feel the time has come to do it. Working with young children with special needs is something I enjoy. It something I'm passionate about and I feel I really make a difference in the field. I have often wondered if I would have gotten to Travis the boy I worked with at the county when was 3 or 4 and gave him the love he needed and taught him how to communicate maybe his life woud be better. I don't have everything about this Wright State figured out yet but I'll get there.